Wednesday, June 15, 2011

TWINCG - Neckbeards: An Epidemic

Walk into your FLGS, look around at the people gathered there, take a deep breath, inhale the fumes and perspiration and try not to collapse.
Welcome to another instalment of This Week in Non-Competitive Gaming!  This week we're going to take a look at what separates us from the bane of gaming, the neckbeard and steps you can take to ensure you do not join their shambling legion of pestilence.  
Firstly, lets look at how to identify whether or not you are truly a neckbeard

  1. Look in the mirror.
If it breaks, then skip to the "Overcoming Symptoms" section.
Take a good, long look at yourself.  If you see the fat rolls, the facial hair and excessive perspiration, then tick the "I am a Neckbeard" column.
Stop and think about how others look at you.  Sure, you may be comfortable, but what is the general consensus of society? If you saw yourself walking down the road, what would your reaction be? Try to be as judgemental as possible here; the first step is admitting you have a problem
     2.  Look at your house
This is providing you have a house that is.
If you are living in your parents basement, trolling 4chan and whatnot, then you are most certainly a neckbeard.  Anything else is justified
     3.  Check your mailbox
If you receive the following letter, you know you are a neckbeard
Hello, This is Death! Famine and I were wondering if you were maybe interested in taking your horse out for a ride with us and War, you know, the four horsemen and all that harbinger of the apocalypse whatnot...  Whaddya think? 
 Believe me, if you are the Pestilence Horseman, then you most certainly are an unhygenic neckbeard.  


  1. Soap is your friend... Use it

Forget about your experience in prison, use the damn soap.... Hygiene is one of the greatest plagues on wargamers, a common symptom of a neckbeard.  Other options involve actually washing your clothes *gasp! * and not spilling yesterday's breakfast over it.

      2.    Please, use the stuff... 'Nuff said

      3. Get a job
Don't be the unemployed 40 something who reads his rulebook each night,  while his Mummy reminds him to visit the unemployment centre... please.

In conclusion, I think this comic is very appropriate in it's overall message.

What are your experiences with neckbeards?
Thoughts, criticisms, unfathomable rage?

1 mutterings:

Radical Edward said...

I don't really see painting and modelling as very outgoing, social behaviors so of course a lot of people show up to their FLGS unawares that they reek (they didn't think so, the last two weeks at the paint station.) There's also the "all of these guys are nerds for playing this game, who cares what they think" approach as well.

I think it's pretty much common courtesy to clean yourself up before doing something in public. The intricacies of shaving clean beard shapes may never come to be popular though, so you can only expect more neckbeards as beards remain popular...

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